


Dishonesty for the Sake of Preservation

by CalicoPudding



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blind Character, Blind Kageyama Tobio, Crying, Dreams, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Frustration, Inspired by Art, Lies, M/M, Nightmares, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 22:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7072366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalicoPudding/pseuds/CalicoPudding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows Kageyama’s going to figure it out, if he hasn’t already, but Hinata doesn’t want him to. He just wants Kageyama to get his sight back, and be done with it, he never has to know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dishonesty for the Sake of Preservation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [craziiwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/craziiwolf/gifts).



> So, I fell in love with the blindness au from craziiwolf and I absolutely had to write something for it

For the most part, Hinata can act normal. He can still laugh and play around with Kageyama, they can usually get through their usual banter without any hitches. But Hinata’s pretty observant. He can see just how much Kageyama frowns, and not his usual angry pouty frowns, but real honest to god frowns, and it bothers him. He knows when Kageyama starts to get frustrated, can steer him away from whatever it is, for the most part. But he doesn’t like seeing his partner cry, doesn’t like seeing Kageyama affected so poorly.

And it’s his fault, all of it. His only saving grace is that Kageyama doesn’t know.

He likes to think that he has a good grasp on Kageyama’s thought process, but he has no idea how the other boy will react if he tells him. So he doesn’t, glad that Kageyama can’t see his face because that’d give it away in a heartbeat.

“Oi, dumbass, you’re thinking too loud,” Kageyama mumbles.

They’re at Kageyama’s house, sitting in his room, Hinata on his bed while he sits on the floor. He’d gotten a sudden migraine on the walk home and Hinata had offered, almost too quickly, to massage his neck in hope of helping.

Surprisingly, Hinata’s rather gifted with massages, Kageyama figures he’ll have to swallow his pride more often if it means his headaches will disappear as fast as this one. He occupies himself with a volleyball, carefully turning it about his hands. The noise ball Hinata had offered sits beside him, it’s a sweet gesture and he appreciates it, but the feel of a real volleyball in his hands is something he’ll never tire of.

“Am not,” Hinata responds childishly. His fingers stay at Kageyama’s neck, any other time, the action would have been read as a threat and Kageyama would have started fighting. But it’s fine, it’s just Hinata, Hinata who most certainly sounds as though he’s hiding something. He doesn’t have to see his face to know, his voice is enough. But Kageyama won’t press, if Hinata wants to talk about something he’ll need to bring it up himself.

Things really haven’t changed much, between them anyways. But Kageyama can sense an underlying something that’s different, it has something to do with Hinata, and he’s not sure how he feels about that.

“Better?” Hinata asks after a few more minutes of gentle prodding.

“Yeah, thanks,” he roughs out, clambering ungracefully to join Hinata on the bed. He’s familiar enough with his own room, the only thing out of place is Hinata, so if he accidentally uses the other’s thigh to push himself up, neither says anything.

“Spit it out, dumbass,” he says after a moment.

“What?”

“Something’s bothering you, I can tell.”

“It’s nothing!”

Kageyama glares, he’s almost one hundred percent sure that he’s facing Hinata dead on. The orange blur that makes up Hinata’s head could be facing any direction really, so he’s not entirely certain. And he said he wouldn’t press, but that’s a lie.

“If it bothers you, it’s not nothing,” he mumbles, ducking his head as he feels the heat of a blush rising in his cheeks.

Hinata seems at a loss for words but Kageyama doesn’t say anything else.

“I- Really, it’s nothing, I can work it out,” Hinata says softly. Kageyama feels small hands on his and turns so Hinata can have easier access. Hinata’s fingers are tiny, they feel even tinier as they trace the lines of Kageyama’s palms. He lines them up, and Kageyama interlocks their fingers.

“Promise?”

He can hear Hinata gulp, and if that isn’t the guiltiest sound he’s ever heard…

“Promise.”

* * *

The bike ride home is quicker than usual, it’s not quite dark but Hinata pedals like his life depends on it. The only thing he can hear is his breathing and his heart pounding in his ears.

He lied.

He actually lied to Kageyama.

He feels terrible, and all he wants to do is turn right around and ride back to Kageyama’s house. He wants to explain and apologize, wants to spill his heart because it’s his fault and Kageyama has to know that. But he doesn’t want to tell him. Doesn’t want Kageyama to hate him.

And really, a little voice in the back of his head tells him that Kageyama won’t hate him, but the nervous and guilty part of him screams that of course he’ll be hated. He doesn’t want to be hated again. He and Kageyama have been enemies once already, he doesn’t want to go back to that.

When he gets home, he runs straight to his room, throwing the door shut and collapsing onto his bed, fatigue catching up and crashing down on him all at once.

They’ve done a lot. Kageyama can read braille without much difficulty, his movements are more natural than they’d been in the beginning. But he still can’t toss like he used to, Hinata doesn’t expect him to be able to. But Kageyama gets frustrated easily, angry tears building up; he’s been crying a lot more.

Hinata puts one of his pillows over his face.

It’ll all be fine, Kageyama will get his sight back somehow, and they can go back to playing volleyball together, and he won’t have to cry so much anymore.

* * *

Hinata’s nervous during practice. Suga had told Kageyama that he’s more than welcome to sit in on their practices, he’s still part of the team after all. But Kageyama had quickly refused, ‘content’ to wait outside the gym on some days, or wait for his mom to pick him up on others.

But Hinata’s still nervous, he’s been nervous ever since the accident. He has no issue with Suga as his setter, but Kageyama is his setter, and their quicks are just that, theirs. He doesn’t want to seem ungrateful towards Suga, because he isn’t, Suga’s stepping up to fill a gap left in their team. A gap Hinata made.

Everyone knows that Hinata’s been affected, Kageyama is the reason he can fly, the reason he can see the view from the other side, and really, he is in no position to be feeling self pity right now. He just wants his setter back.

He misses a perfectly good set from Suga, and hits the floor awkwardly, nearly losing his balance. Everyone’s looking at him, even Tsukishima looks mildly concerned.

“Hinata,” Suga steps closer, keeping a safe distance just in case the smaller boy doesn’t want to be crowded.

“I’m sorry!” Hinata says quickly, scrambling to stand up, “Let me try again!”

Suga pauses, hesitation clear on his face. He looks to Daichi, who’s busy working with Ennoshita, asking silently for his input.

“Hinata, do a couple more spikes with Suga, then go home early. If you’re distracted, then it’s for the best,” Daichi calls. His voice snaps everyone back to work.

Hinata tears up, only a little bit due to the prospect of being told to go home early, but he nods.

When Suga sets the ball, Hinata pushes up, running and forcing himself to focus. His hands makes solid contact, the audible smack reaches his ears beyond the bells jingling at his wrist and it sends a heady rush coursing through his body.

The ball lands out of bounds and he clenches his fists.

“One more!”

Kageyama’s waiting for him outside when Daichi makes him leave.

“I heard one of your spikes,” he says, standing up and unfolding his walking stick.

“It went out of bounds,” Hinata replies, hesitating before looping his arm through Kageyama’s. The bells clack together and Hinata toys with them a moment before turning to press a kiss to Kageyama’s arm.

“What was that for?”

“No reason.”

Hinata has to let go of Kageyama’s arm so he can walk his bike, but he stays close.

“Do you want to practice when we get to your house?” he asks after a little while.

“Not today.”

They’re quiet for the rest of their walk, and Hinata knows that something’s troubling Kageyama, which in turn troubles him. When they do get to Kageyama’s house, they go straight to his room and Hinata finds himself in Kageyama’s arms within a second of the door closing. They fall onto his bed, Hinata moving himself closer, twisting his hands into Kageyama’s shirt.

“I had a nightmare last night,” he whispers into Hinata’s hair.

“Hmm?”

“It’s that same dream, the one-”

“I know.”

“It always seems so real.”

Hinata can feel the hot tears as they run from Kageyama’s eyes and into his hair. He hates this, hates that he is the reason for his, hates that he’s too much of a coward to tell Kageyama what happened.

He spares one hand, looping his arm around Kageyama’s body so he can rub his back. When Kageyama’s sobbing has quieted down to sniffles, some of the tension leaves his body.

“There was something else in the dream this time,” he says after a minute. Whatever tension left him now resides in Hinata tenfold, he’s stiff as a board.

“It’s just a dream,” Hinata says, but it’s more like he’s reassuring himself than Kageyama.

“I know that, but sometimes it feels more like a memory.”

Hinata looks up from Kageyama’s chest and presses a kiss to his neck. He knows Kageyama’s going to figure it out, if he hasn’t already, but Hinata doesn’t want him to. He just wants Kageyama to get his sight back, and be done with it, he never has to know.

“It’s fine, Kageyama,” Hinata whispers.

They lapse into quiet, the only noises being Kageyama’s periodic sniffling and the bells jingling around Hinata’s wrist.


End file.
